A Yellow Butterfly

I have re-written this about me, “a Yellow Butterfly” section of my blog so many times that I have now lost count. Funny huh? One would think that this section could stay rather static, but it is just as much in constant movement as my blog pieces. I guess it does make a bit of sense, seeing as I am in constant change, seeing as we are all in constant transformation, just as a butterfly. Growing, moving, changing, it is all part of our lives. Even if we don’t love change, it is present. What remains is our souls. Our souls are the constant in this infinite equation of life. And it is this exact thought that led me to identify with a little Yellow Butterfly that floated with me many years ago.

Let me embellish on this moment a bit further.

In 2009, I spent a lengthened summer on the shores of the Mayan Riviera on the beautiful beach of Playa Secreto. With a lot of time on my hands in the evenings, I spent many nights journaling my thoughts away. Being that I was barely 21 at the time, I asked myself a lot  of questions regarding what I wanted out of life, who I wanted to be, what did I want to contribute to this world, where would I travel to,  how did I want to interact with nature and people of our world? I questioned who I would fall in love with. What my job would be. Where I would live. I asked myself a WHOLE lot of questions. In the first months of asking myself these questions, I honestly thought that with the quietness I was experiencing, that somehow all the answers would come to me, that I would have some sort of insight to all that was one day to be. I was fiercely wrong, and in hindsight- gladly at that.

On the day of my return to “society’s world”  after a 3 month stay in Mexico, I took a last walk down the beach in from of Hacienda del Secreto. During the night before, I had read through my journal, reflecting on my thoughts and realizing all the questions I STILL held. And in the moment, with my head hanging slightly down, I saw the most beautiful tiny creature. Yellow wings with small perfections. Soundless. Fluttering just a tad. A beautiful yellow butterfly had allowed me in her space. She was softly sitting on a rock next to the place where I was standing. She had landed. I simply thought to myself, how beautiful, and then began walking on. But, to my surprise, as I started walking further, my little friend kept following me. She bounced, floated, shifted, danced and landed when she needed. She was alive. Changing in every moment. Seeking what was seeking her.  But what I noticed was that she changed, moved, danced and landed in her life with beauty and gladness. On that day, with her as my muse, I challenged myself to live life with the same grace as that little yellow butterfly, as Nature herself.

In this challenge, I have grown a whole lot over the years. I have traveled and lived around a good bit of the world. I have learned from other cultures, religions, and practices. I have met old friends for the first time. I found agape love. The earth became my religion and my yoga mat, my church. I have walked (and still do) the  bridge of remembrance again and again. I have fallen and I have gotten back up. I have faced challenges and been fearful. I have cried intensely. I have shouted with happiness. I have recognized that who I am is exactly enough and found joy in that.  I have danced crazily, loved fiercely, laughed uncontrollably, lived authentically and landed when I needed rest.

It is not always easy to land as gracefully as that little yellow butterfly, and many days I fail… but more, I succeed. I succeed with the love of my wildly beautiful daughter, Edyn, my always aiming loving husband, Rob, the loyalty and love of our pup, Jasper,  the support of my tribe and the ancient practices of ceremony, yoga and meditation.

With the former powerful combination, I am living confidently in the direction of my dreams. I allow myself to change. To be drawn towards what I love.  I work to remember the unity between my mind, body and soul. I repeat a mantra of courage. I work to see the bridges between who I have been, who I am in the present moment and who I can become. I reveal bricks, walls, and motes that I have built, or society has built, and I work daily to break through them, to see myself in all beings, right where I am. To connect and land gracefully.

Life for me is an incredible journey that I am so excited and grateful to be on.  One in which I seek to be present, wild, compassionate, giving, loving, and kind. I shall change, I shall move, I shall be joyful and I shall land with my soul connected and free.


Allison Janssen


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