I can’t really remember when I began saying…’When I see myself as an old woman, I see me in a black swim suite top, a flowing green sarong, the curls in my hair have been let loose, and there is glowing energy around me. I think I am a yoga teacher, a writer. I bear age lines of laughter, worldly experiences and I seem really content with my life. I’ve obviously lived a full life-bearing witness to both beauty and harsh realities. My husband is there, and so are like 6 of our grandchildren. I can’t see them, but I hear them all giggling and playing around in the living room. I myself am by the kitchen sink, in front of a sun filled window, hand washing dishes and smiling with an ear towards the living room.’
I guess I started picturing (manifesting) the older, wiser version of myself somewhere in college. Early twenties for sure.
And this is where the power of thought, the power of our minds comes into play. Back when I was living in Geneva, had someone told me where my life would travel over the next five years, I would have probably said to them, ‘perfect, yay, how did I do it?’
Even now, writer seems way far out there. Let’s be real. I blog. I journal. I write for companies. And luckily, I write for a newspaper. It does make me a writer, but not an author- at least not an author in the sense I hope to one day be.
So this picture in my head. It’s there. I think about it. And maybe by doing so, I have created circumstances for myself that link, or follow on the same path to my picture. Moving to Geneva, meeting my soul mate-Rob-in the streets of Barcelona (of all places), moving to Thailand, moving back to Geneva, completing my MASTERS, moving to Holland to be with Rob, traveling to foreign lands together, moving back to the USA together, and when he leaves for Army basic training… there somehow being an open window to create something new for myself. To accomplish something my soul was seeking.
It was late March. I officially had over a month left to go of no communication with Rob. The window was there. I had narrowed my choices down to either reaching for my Yoga Teacher 200hr certificate or volunteering in Costa Rica at a homestead. Both options were great, but there was only one real choice-Yoga Teacher Training. Of course, I wanted to learn more about living off the land; but, my heart was leading me to yoga. My self-practice was strong, my mind was ready and my soul was already waiting there.
So, I spent the next four hours googling. (Don’t you freaking love google!) Google sent me so many directions. My window became the world and I could travel most anywhere and become a yoga teacher. And then it happened. I saw ‘YTT 200 Intensive, Koh Lanta Thailand’.
‘Sold,’ I thought.
I literally danced in the living room, yelling over to my Mom… ‘Mom, I am going back to Thailand’.
A one month program, 200 hours of training in Koh Lanta. In two months, I would become a certified yoga teacher! Whoop whoop!
My excitement must have lasted a whole of 4 minutes.
Minute number five, I sat back down at my computer. Minute six, I saw the price. Minute 6.15 my internal excitement came to a screeching halt.
How in the hell could I make such a big financial decision without talking to my husband. Yes, he gave me the green light before he left on any trips or any decision that would lighten the load of being left at home. To do something that I always wanted to do. But, still… to have to make this decision about spending so much of OUR money alone. It was difficult.
I of course, went back to my Mom. Told her my thoughts and we talked through it all. (Mom’s are better than google). I will spare you the details, because I obviously made the decision to go.
The flight was lengthy. First stop, Moscow. Second stop, Singapore. Third stop, Bangkok (where I got to hang out with two dear friends of mine).
Last stop, Krabi.
The love bubble began to grow.
Our hosts, Kate and Farrah (owners of Oasis Yoga of Koh Lanta), told me via email that I would meet one other YTT participant at the airport and that together we would be taken by car to Koh Lanta. Norbert was sitting on the side of the airport, patiently waiting. As I walked out with my luggage, our driver signaled Norbert with one hand and waved his ‘Allison Janssen’ sign at me with the other.
Our long ride to Koh Lanta, was mostly filled with silence. A big inward journey had just taken flight.
Once we arrived, we checked into our rooms and were told that everyone would be meeting in just a few hours for dinner.
I quickly settled in, washed up and anxiously waited for 6:00.
I think it would take me a whole book to actually explain to you the depths of YTT and our experience as Jai Yoga Arts trainees/graduates. So, I won’t do that. This post is already long enough.
But, what I do what to say, I guess, can be felt through the review I gave Ella, just a month after the completion of our training.
It went something like this…
“Every time I reflect upon my Jai YTT experience, my heart begins to swell with both love and gratitude. The entire month of Jai YTT was simply ethereal, beautiful in every possible way. Ella Luckett constructed a course so entirely practical, truthful, challenging and engaging, both physically and philosophically. She completely filled it with her heart and soul. In the first days of the course, one of the questions Ella asked us, was what did we hope to gain out of this training. In my reply, I answered that I was seeking a sense of quiet confidence, confidence in myself as a yoga teacher. If I walked away with anything, quiet confidence was what I really needed. Now, a month later, I can honestly say I gained that sense of quiet confidence that I was pursuing and so much more! I walked away with knowledge of my Self that I will carry with me for the rest of this life, I gained peace in who I am on my yoga journey and how I can best share my passion and purpose with others. I learned to better appreciate every moment, to more sincerely realize that yoga is a journey that requires patience, and the beautiful part of the journey is the small singular moments we each take as individuals in a cosmic whole. While I genuinely cherish every moment we all shared during our month long experience, the silent mornings hold a special place in my heart. Every morning, accompanied by silence, I could feel the energies of my comrades around me. Together we built a love bubble; moving, breathing and growing in silence. It was magical. I am incredibly thankful to Ella as my guru, for the inspiration she is, and to the other sixteen beautiful individuals, all who I now proudly call friends.”
Our thoughts are powerful. See where you want to be. Place that picture of yourself in your head and hold onto it. Edit it if you need to. When you act, question if your actions are leading you towards that place. Watch your soul open windows for you and jump through. Don’t let fear stop you. Move forward with kindness, trust and love.
I know I am no where near that picture of myself. There is a lot of time and experiences still to come. I trust there is. But, I know that image I have in my head is me. I know that laugh in the other room… it’s Rob’s. Those childish giggles, I have no clue who they are, but I know I will one day. I love my journey. I trust it, whatever comes. But mostly, I am so thrilled to experience every little unfolding, every manifestation come into existence.